REASON
by madmindzoe
Summary: A story in which Lance Corporal Levi realizes and admits his reasons for fighting. LeviHan oneshot.


REASON

"How young is your boy?"

"Turning five years old this month. What about your girl, how is she?"

"She's turning 15 next month. She's thinking of joining the legion. Wall Maria be damned, I'm not letting her do so. I'd rather she be a military police cadet."

And so the idle chat went on and on among the soldiers as the sun starts to set and evening begins its reign. As soon as the light from the skies disappear, what was left of the Scouting Legion would head back inside the walls and have a good night's sleep at the barracks before returning home to their respective families by morning. To many soldiers, this routine is what keeps their adrenaline pumping long enough to survive the expedition. But to numerous others, the ones left behind, this routine is what their souls would forever crave for, what they would never again look forward to doing.

Crouching in a tree branch with his head bowed down, he listened as the soldiers around him talk about sons and daughters and wives and parents. One was talking about an upcoming wedding, another talked about a christening. One was sharing a story about his parents' house while another told a story on his wife's cooking. It went on and on and somehow, for the life of him, he found it comforting to hear their stories and their voices animated with the tales.

"Permission to ask a question, Corporal?" one of the soldiers asked, a bit stiffly and over-the-edge.

"Go ahead." He replied, nonchalantly.

"Is there a lady awaiting your return, sir?" the man asked, masking his curiosity with a hint of detachment.

He wanted to laugh at that question. His name is known to everyone inside the walls. He is the hero that every kid looks up to. He is the idol of every man and soldier. And naturally, he is the fantasy of every female old enough to know what a man can do with the weapon found between his legs.

"A lot of them are waiting, cadet. But absolutely none to my liking."

As soon as he said those words, a signal from the commander came through and as much as the men wanted to linger and talk about random topics like walks in the park, they set off, swinging from branch to branch towards their horses and rode back to safety.

That evening, as he scrubbed his skin raw of filth and guilt from the day's battle, he thought about the soldier's question. He thought about his answer. _Absolutely none to my liking_, the words echoed through his head. He smirked as he assured himself that he was not lying. Lance Corporal Levi has no penchant for romance. Absolutely none at all.

The evening was indeed uneventful save for the usual night terrors and thrashing of the survivors. But the morning proved to be more interesting, especially to the short-statured and rather short-tempered corporal.

It has become his routine to call on Hanji Zoe, squad leader of the team entrusted with Titan research, the morning after an expedition. He would always enter her room unceremoniously and he would always find her sprawled ridiculously on her bed with a book covering her face and papers of notes serving her as blanket. On some occasion, he would find her drooling on her desk with her pen still on her hand.

That morning was no different. Levi walked steadily to Hanji's bunk and opened the door without a hint of a knock or any sort of warning.

"Oi, shitty gl-"

His voice got caught in his throat. The room was empty. The bed was made and unslept in. There were no books or papers scattered on the floor or on the desk. The candle in the lamp was unused, the wax remained tall and without hardened trail.

Hanji didn't spend the night in her room.

Suddenly, he felt cold sweat trickle down his spine. Questions, lots of them, flooded his mind. He closed the door and hurriedly made his way to the mess hall.

"Have you seen squad leader Hanji Zoe?" he asked the first soldier that he managed to bump into. The soldier shook his head and replied a firm "no". Levi moved on to the next soldier down the hall, asking the same question. He did so to almost all the cadets that he met through the hall.

No one has seen her.

_Stables, she's probably in the stables_, he thought. He rushed to the horses' place only to find the new recruits feeding the stallions and raking the hay. _Laboratory, of course, she could be in the laboratory_. This time, as he marched back inside the barracks, his heels are digging more on the cobbled flooring. He is getting anxious, getting worried, almost panicking.

"Oi, fucking glasses!" he cussed as he opened the door with a force that sent the table that was settled in front of screeching.

Levi could feel his chest constrict. The laboratory was empty. Not even her assistant was there. The tubes, the equipment were all in order and everything around was spick and span. The place was clean, as if no one has used it before. Levi slammed the door shut. Leaning on the cold wall, he ran his hand over his hair and he shut his eyes. He swallowed the lump forming at the back of his throat as his mind tried not to imagine the vivid picture of why the laboratory was empty and why her room was unslept in.

Levi stood there for a while. Just stood there with his eyes closed.

For a week, Lance Corporal Levi scrubbed everything clean. Every corner of the barracks was devoid of dust and all the equipment was in top shape. He even re-painted a few rooms and fixed the mess hall. He kept to himself and talked to no one. His mood never improved and no one has the courage to actually approach him – not even the members of his squad who arrived a day after Hanji's disappearance.

It was late in the evening on the seventh day that Erwin Smith, the commander himself, visited him in his bunk and handed him his orders for the following day. He was to take with him a team and patrol on a given area east of the wall. He didn't ask about her and so the commander didn't provide any information voluntarily.

The following morning he set forth with his team.

Now, it may all seem routinely boring to a spectator that Humanity's Strongest Soldier is hacking and killing titans. After all, Lance Corporal Levi has been doing this for quite some time that his skills have been honed and perfected. He can slice, dice, and turn any titan into ash as much as he wanted to.

However, on that particular mission, with his team of elite fighters backing him up, he somehow, managed to falter.

"Corporal! Corporal, watch your line of sight! Sir!" the man named Erd cried out. He watched as the smaller man sloppily sliced through a titan's nape. The attack wasn't deep enough but it managed to knock out the monstrosity long enough for an assist.

Levi kept going forward blindly. It was as if he wasn't seeing anything or hearing anything. His pattern of flight was terrible and his attacks were worse. The lone woman in his team, Petra, called after him to slow down but she sounded like a lazy fly annoyingly buzzing through his ear. He just kept on moving like an amateur with a mind blank as a slate.

Then, there it was. An aberrant. A very tall and very hungry aberrant.

A tree covered his line of sight and he didn't see that giant hand take a grasp on his wires. Before it could even register, Levi found himself bruised and broken on a tree branch, a big ugly face of a titan with its mouth opening like a big cave with teeth was right in front of his eyes. His ears were ringing probably from the impact when his head hit the bark of the tree while his vision started to blur.

_Time to see you now, shitty glasses_, he thought. _Time to see you now_.

And as he was closing his eyes to avoid screaming in pain and at least be in peace, a glint of silver caught his glance and in a swift moment, the monster dropped to his knees and started to disintegrate. He didn't move, rather, he couldn't move. He broke a lot of bones and he's probably having a concussion so he just let his eyes roam.

"LEVI! LEVI! LEVI! DAMN IT, LEVI, HANG IN THERE!"

The voice was familiar. It was Hanji.

"Hanji," he croaked.

"Yeah, its Hanji. Its Shitty Glasses. Its me. Hold on, okay. We'll get you down." She said. She was shouting commands and a lot of activity was happening around him.

He blinked once. Twice. He could feel a trickle of blood from his forehead. He moved his hand to touch it. _I'm alive_, he thought. He blinked again and this time, he focused his gaze on the image in front of him.

It was a woman with her chocolate hair pinned in the sides of her head while the locks scrambled down her shoulders. Her glasses were glinting the rays reflected by the peeping sun. Lowering his gaze he saw that she was dressed in white, a beautiful dress with lace and frills and hugged her body like a second skin, leaving her shoulders bare.

"Hanji," he croaked again. "The fuck… the fuck… are… you… wearing?" he managed to say in between heavy breaths.

He waited for a reply. The woman stopped bickering orders and just looked at him. Levi inhaled heavily again, a sign that he was about to speak again, but instead of speaking, his breath was taken from him by the lady in white as she kissed him deeply, hungrily, and passionately.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. I'm back. I'm here. I won't leave you. I won't leave you."

She cupped his face and kissed his cheeks and wrapped her arms around his neck as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She kept muttering apologies in between hiccups and sniffs. She was explaining as to why she was gone for a week but with her snot and tears, he couldn't understand most of it.

"Oi, shitty glasses," he said, finally. "Look at me, will you."

She obeyed and pulled away slightly. Levi took his time looking at her. Despite the heaviness in his arm, he lifted it to wipe away the tears from her eyes. He fixed her glasses on her nose and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. All that time, his gaze never left hers.

"Levi –"

"Who was the bastard who took you from me? I'm going to kill him."

And Hanji chuckled as the croak in Levi's voice vanished and was replaced by his usual steel-cold tone. She laughed outrageously as she saw the light in Levi's eyes return, the emptiness in those orbs fading fast. Resting her forehead on his, she inhaled his scent and smiled and giggled with relief. She was about to say something but the injured, bruised and beaten little man beat her to it.

"Whoever has the balls to take you away from me again, I swear to Wall Sina I will slice and dice them and throw them to titans." He said.

"You're mine. You're my shitty glasses. You're my shitty scientist. You're my shitty woman." He continued. He took in air again.

"You're my reason. All my reason to survive. Do you understand me?" He said, closing his eyes, cupping her face, resting his forehead to hers

"You're my reason to breathe, Hanji. My reason to stay alive. My reason to come home. You're my home." And with that he kissed her so deeply that he was out of breath when they parted. Hanji held him close and just kept nodding as tears continued to fall down her eyes.

"That dress looks like shit, by the way. Burn it and never wear that to our wedding."

And that last comment just made the mad scientist laugh like there's no tomorrow and she kissed him as much as she could before the rescue team managed to get them both down the tree branch.

-owari-


End file.
